The Dream

Awhile ago I had a weird dream. I had this itch and a sharp pain coming from the left side of my groin. I don't remember any other details, except that these sensations turned out to be originating from a huge bloody spider bite on the area.

Waking up a little frazzled, out of curiosity or instinct I put my hand on the area to feel the imaginary bite. Instead I found an enlarged lymph node. I was a little taken back, especially after I felt several more nodes along the inguinal chain. What the hell? Why had I not noticed these before? There were none I could feel on the right side, but there had been metastases in those nodes and some had been removed. Did this mean that my cancer is back and this time spread to the left lymph nodes? Shit! Now what?!?

All these thoughts swirled around in my head, but I kept focusing on one thing- that eerie dream. Was this just a coincidence, or was that dream a sign to lead me to discover these lumps? Fate may have guided my diagnosis before- I believe that I was meant to go to nursing school to be conveniently surrounded by medical professionals, AND to be studying women's reproductive health at the time of my diagnosis. Without that knowledge and community support, I don't know if I would have recognized cancer's red flags, nor  investigated the cause of my symptoms. I'm also pretty sure that I would have put off going to the doctor for a long time.

Luckily, I had that appointment with my new oncologist within the next few days. I didn't mention the dream, but I quickly pointed out the nodes during my visit. The doc told me his hesitations about routine PET scans, but agreed that an exception should be made to check out these lumps. I didn't want my family to worry, so I waited for the results of the scan before I  wrote in this blog or told anyone about the dream or my concerns about recurrence.

Thankfully, my PET scan was normal, and the lymph nodes were unremarkable. Yay! No more cancer. In fact, I am officially in remission. It's been 3 years since my last recurrence. Doc says to come back in 4 months for a check up. This may have been my last PET scan for awhile. Thank god, a day without carbs is hell!