Not much to say lately. I'm trying really hard to get back into the swing of school but it's getting hard. My mom is doing ok I think and has just been moved to the rehab floor where she has to do exercises for 3 hrs a day. She's stubborn and doesn't want to cooperate, so I think it's going to be a long 3 weeks. I still can't get her on the phone, and it's starting to bother me...
I'm feeling great for the first time in a week. I can definitely feel the cumulative effects of the chemo. My fingers are still numb and it makes me pretty clumsy. The other day I was at the store and dropped two containers of soup from my basket when they started to roll out. When I grabbed them I couldn't really feel the plastic and so they dropped to the floor making a huge mess. It was totally embarrassing because I had a full basket and I dropped one container 1 foot from the aisle, and then again at the register. What a mess....
I also am still having balance issues and kinda lose balance when I stand up from sitting. I had a pretty bad day Friday as well. For once I had left my happy positive place and was feeling really down. I don't know if chemo is supposed to mess with your serotonin, but i feel it has been. I feel fine now, but Friday was the first day in a long while that I was depressed and frustrated with all this shit. Chemo is wiping me out with the fatigue and I'm only HALFWAY done. Granted the whole mom-thing has increased the stress 1000% and making it worse. Plus I'm going out of my mind with boredom at home. It takes tons of energy to get out (although once I'm out doing something with friends I'm fine) and so I'm not motivated to leave. Seriously, people need to drag me out of the house! This is a call for help- I'm totally willing to hang out if someone wants to do something during the day!!! Anything!!! (Plus if anyone wants to be my study partner or gym buddy, I need some major motivation to work on school stuff and workout!
I'm back in my happy place- mainly due to extra sleep. I really wish I had clinicals at least one day a week to combat the boredom. I feel out of touch with school with class only once a week. I guess I could be working on my thesis/project but that's a slow process... Right now I am planning for the summer and trying to fill up every weekend with some kind of festival or camping. Seattle summers are good for that. I just need something to look forward to!
I am going home to visit my mom again this Saturday. I'm totally homesick from all this family crap. I do feel like I am closer to my family more than ever though. Closer to a lot of people. I never really thought I had a huge support network in Seattle and elsewhere, but I guess I do- and when I really need it. It's nice because I am talking to people that I haven't seen in ages. And I don't really care anymore that it's because of the cancer. Anything is better than nothing. I'm so thankful for everyone- I don't think I could do this without such supportive people around me!
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